While there is a wide range of hairstyles for men, there are some men’s hairstyles and haircuts that you should not be trying. Get some mane inspiration below for exactly what you should NOT be doing to the stuff atop your head!
Got a hair clipper at home? Good, then don’t try these men’s haircuts and hairstyles
In life, you just sometimes have to draw the line. There is stuff that you just should not do, and there’s also stuff that your mother always warned you about when you were a kid; I am talking of stuff like not drinking bleach, not jumping on moving trains, always having a sitter if taking a hallucinogenic for the first time, avoiding “bad” women and, of course, not getting stupid haircuts and hairstyles. While most of these life scenarios are pretty common sense, it looks as though common sense goes out the window as soon as the topic moves on to men’s hair since we men have a natural talent for doing stupid stuff with our hair.
Cool haircuts or stupid hairstyles?
Now, I am all up for experimenting with your hair. In my bestselling book The Men’s Hair Book (click the link to see it), I actually encourage you to go ahead and try different hairstyles for your specific hair ID, with the hair ID being one of the key elements that you get to find out about your hair and that serves as the foundation to your hair styling and choice of male hairstyles. There are some pretty funky men’s hairstyles that you can get depending on your hair ID: the High Top fade, the High and Tight, the Low Fade, the Shake & Go and a whole plethora of haircuts and hairstyles for men that will surely spice up your image and switch on your bossman alpha status. The thing is, the difference between the words “cool” and “stupid” is abysmal, yet some people seem to not grasp the difference and can’t, even if their lives depended on it, draw some sensible line somewhere.
While a bit extreme, the Flat Top Horseshoe haircut is a cool haircut that will at least have chicks wondering if you’re in the military (and trust me, that’s a good thing if you’re trying to score with a chick)
Following from the above and because humans can get quite creative in the name of stupidity, I am posting below some carefully-selected and marvelously-researched stupid slash funny haircuts and hairstyles (14 of them!) that will surely entertain you for a bit. Or perhaps give you some inspiration for your next alcohol-fueled haircut idea (the latter is something that I actually know a thing or two about. Damn you, Tequila!).
The “mouse lover” hairstyle
You know you got a thing for mice when you are willing to get a mouse-shaped haircut. Actually, considering how long that tail is, that looks more like a rat… I’m cool with mice and did in fact have some when I was a kid, but don’t get me going about rats (I used to live in the countryside where rats are the size of cats and bigger. Some nasty memories I still carry).
The hipster Hitler look
Come on, dude, you must have really been going for that hipster Hitler look ’cause no one gets a Regulation Cut with a toothbrush mustache unless he is the barman for some seedy S&M leather club in a hidden Manhattan alley.
The monk wannabe
I do know that monks shave the top of their head in what I call the “headband haircut”. But this dude either got it wrong or is simply trolling because life is all about having fun, isn’t it?
The mustache hairstyle
Now, this one made me laugh, and I have to say that this is a proper pimp hairstyle. Don’t know what his jail neighbors will be thinking when our friend below goes in through the door to join his happy and cheerful cell neighbors.
The extreme Jersey Shore hairstyle
I have to saw that the Blowout hairstyle of Pauly D was already somewhat douchey, but the Jersey Shore-meets-the-Statue-of-Liberty hairstyle below takes home the trophy for the “I don’t even” award.
The Circle of Life hairstyle
To fully understand the following Circle of Life hairstyle, you have to go all philosophical:
The haircut of the lion.
Fusion of hair and beard: where does one start, where does the other end?
It’s a circle, symbolizing infinity. The Circle of Life.
The dorag hairstyle
You know you are real guetto when you go as far as to recreate a dorag with your hair. I mean, it’s not like dorags are stupidly-cheap like this one from this vendor. Or something.
The Alice band hairstyle
While a headband as a men’s hair accessory is placed horizontally on the head, an Alice band is placed vertically so as to pull the hair back. In the case below of our friend Jeff (from the “no thanks, Jeff” meme), he has gone as far as to not even need a real-life Alice band and instead rely on his Lion King’s mane. Kudos!
The hipster EMO hairstyle
Hipsters are an interesting bunch in that they have revolutionized everything that has to do with male fashion, and, for the most part, hipster have gotten things worse in the same manner that Crocs have ruined the male footwear industry forever. As an example, any hairstyle styled by a hipster is a sure ladies’ loser, but it looks cool at those sausage-fest hipster parties in renovated lofts. Just make sure to bring the silk scarf and the Skrillex-like glasses (even if you don’t need glasses).
The poo hairstyle
I just hope this guy below only got this poo haircut to clown around in a party and that this isn’t his usual hairstyle. You could even swear that he smeared some of it on his scalp. Damn, next picture please!
The middle dent hairstyle
There’s the classic middle-part hairstyle and then there’s the not-so-classic middle-dent hairstyle. NFL players, known for their recurring fashion sins, prefer the middle-dent to the middle-part hairstyle. And I can’t blame them for such a preference.
The Evil Kid hair style
This picture below has everything that a men’s hairstyle aficionado could wish for: the extraordinary mullet, the short-albeit-distinct fringe, the razor lines and a look that says “mama said she won’t give me my 12th doughnut for the day; mama will now proceed to know what pain is”.
The bad combover
For the love of Bambi, a combover is bad enough already, but a failed combover? Donald Trump agrees with me: you’re fired.
The sh*t bricks hairstyle
I dare you; come on, look closer… closer… closer… when you see it, you’ll sh*t bricks.
That is all gentlemen. Until next time, stay tuned (subscribe and like us on Facebook!) and get a copy of any of my books, The Men’s Hair Book or The Curly Hair Book; you will for sure learn with my books how to avoid crappy hairstyles and learn to instead get epically-awesome hair in a manly way (always manly reading, folks, never Cosmopolitan-like reading).